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After “I Do”

My latest book will be available soon through Amazon. It is about renewing the vintage church. With this one is finished, I’m trying to find time to start my next project. I think my next book will be entitled After “I Do” or something like that. (Suggestions are welcome.)

More than two decades ago, I wrote a relationship book for lesbian and gay couples that is now out of date and out of print. Since the Supreme Court’s ruling, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the kinds of things that gay and straight couples alike need to make their relationships last and flourish.

For lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, the world has changed pretty dramatically since I wrote Rainbow Family Values in 1995. Now we can get legally married, a reality I didn’t even consider when I wrote that book. It is a great victory for human and civil rights, but I hope that I am not he only one worried about the dangers that have come with this victory.

There, of course, is the danger that LGBT people will declare victory and begin spending all of our time, money, and energy creating our own safe and secure nests. We may forget that marriage is only one of many civil rights yet to be won. In most states, LGBT people still can be fired or denied housing or other accommodations. Most Christian churches still won’t marry same-gender couples. That is their right, but there are still a lot of hearts and minds to be won. We mustn’t forget that in a great part of the world our lesbian and gay sisters and brothers still live in mortal danger.

My great fear in this country is, having won the same civil rights as traditional heterosexual couples, we will begin to act like our relationships also must fit into those same molds. The truth is, because 50 percent of heterosexual marriages end in divorce, that may not be the wisest course of action. One of the greatest gifts God gave to LGBT people is that we are queer. Let’s not throw that gift away for the paltry payment of assimilation.

I have decided that I am going to write a book about same-gender relationships, but I’m going to hope that heterosexual couples read it, too. I think ALL relationships are unique, and we will do much better by celebrating our queerness than we will falling into patterns where, at best, we have a 50/50 chance of succeeding.




Rev. Michael Piazza

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